Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Take My Life and Paint it Right

The Master Painter! What imagination an artist must have to envision a masterpiece in lieu of a blank canvas! Me? Well, I see a big white sheet of paper. I can't imagine the thoughts of those who viewed the Sistine Chapel prior to Michelangelo. To them it was just a 12000 square foot building. A chapel designed for worship and nothing more; however, to the artist, it was a masterpiece in the making. He saw the total picture.

The book of Micah was written by the prophet Micah sometime between 742 and 687 B.C. It was a time of absolute mayhem in the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. Both kingdoms were skipping from one horrible king to another. The armies of Babylon had torn down the temple. The people lived in constant fear of being murdered, tortured, or taken into slavery. But in chapter 4, the prophet Micah begins to speak of a coming peace. Not just peace, but prosperity and restoration of the kingdom. Wow! Was he out of his mind? Was he blind to the destruction around him?
No. It seems that Micah had gotten a glimpse of the whole picture. He believed in the promise of God and knew, despite what was going on around him, God would deliver. Micah 4:12
"But they do not know
the thoughts of the LORD;
they do not understand his plan,
he who gathers them like sheaves to the threshing floor"

God's ways are unsearchable. We will never be able to understand.
Romans 11:33 "Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out!" Why is it that I do not understand what is going on in my life? I believe it is because I cannot see the whole picture. When I look at me, I see an empty painter's canvas. Here and there are a few brush strokes of color. But by no means a work of art worthy of display. Nope. Museum quality it is not. But then again, I am not the painter... just the canvas.
See there is an artist whose works are beyond beautiful. His imagination is more than any could hope to duplicate. No one can fathom His mysterious ways; however, they know His art is oh so beautiful to behold. Sometimes, people question His work. What is it going to be? How can He make beauty out of this mess of paint? When will He finish? But He sees the total picture. In His mind, there is no mess...only beautiful colors to work with. And, with a lot of patience, in His time, a master piece develops. Breathtaking in its own rite...

Wow that I could only catch a glimpse of the painting of my life! Sometimes, the promises He has made to me seem so far away. But, knowing it may be a brush stroke or two before it is complete makes the problems I am facing this hour seem so insignificant for my life time. I have to remember that some strokes of the brush are more difficult and some colors are darker than others. But those thumbnails are so tiny compared to the complete picture of my life.

God that I will have the strength today to make it through the uncomfortable minutes of my life; help me see the beauty of the hour. I love you God.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I Trust You. . . Really. . .

Trust is defined as assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. . .

But, I like how defines it: "Trust is both an emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner."

In essence, when I open myself up to trust someone; I also expose myself to the possibility of pain. It leaves me vulnerable. I put faith into someone or something to give me a desired response. Maybe the reason trust is such an issue for me is because people let me down. People fail. It happens. However, when they do, these failures make me less likely to put faith in another person in the future...

Now, children are trusting little creatures...
I am rarely around children; but, when I am I am absolutely amazed at how they will just believe anything an adult tells them. It is intriguing...sometimes scary! ! !> > > and I have to admit I am just a little jealous. I have a hard time trusting.

I began writing this post early last week; however, I was unable to finish it and post it on the day I had planned.... My mom had a massive heart attack Thursday of last week. I was going to post this on Friday. Glad I did not. I thought I knew trust; but I have learned so much in the past few days.

Those of you who know me personally or who follow my blog know that I have so often hurt or been hurt by life in these short thirty years. Sexually abused as a child, let down by the court system, hurt in the school system, It is a wonder that I trust anyone. But God has never hurt me. He is my friend. Christ even states clearly that He calls us friends (John 15:15).

So as I sat in the hospital room with my mom and dad last Thursday; I called out to my friend. My one true friend. Someone who has never hurt me... never taken me for granted... never wants to see me in pain. I boldly approached my God and begged Him to "heal her." = Super woman (a.k.a mommy) is home today refusing to eat healthy or take it easy... That's my mom!!!

I said I learned so much more this week on trust. . . I have always been told to "trust in the Lord my God with all my heart and to lean not on my own understanding." There is a reason we must do this. The book of Romans tells us in chapter 11 that His ways are untraceable. We will never be able to comprehend who He is or How He does what he does..... God had mercy on my family this week. He allowed my mom's heart to function until she reached the hospital at CMC Northeast where a group of gifted and caring staff members managed to clear the way for her blood to flow again. I say allowed because her artery was 95% blocked. Then He gave me peace. He comforted my Daddy. He is good. He is merciful. AND I trust Him fully.

When I am weak; He is my strength. I do not understand His ways but I see the effects of my faith in Him. It is so hard to make yourself completely vulnerable. But after the life I have led; I know that it is so necessary. Recently God asked me if I trust Him. I said yes of course. He led me to quit my 6 figure job and simplify my life. It was not an easy transition for me. But it has been worth it! I have been doing odd jobs and contract work for the last few weeks. I have time to write and my bills are paid. Most importantly, I have had so much more time to spend with Him. I don't understand His ways; but I know they are best for my life. He is my friend. True friends would never want any pain to come to those that they love. He is my 100% true friend.