Looking back I can see that I never could forgive myself. I blame myself for all of my misfortunes. It hurts. My life, it hurts. I am in pain. I have spent the past twenty eight years blaming myself for the abuse. Blaming myself for the pain; for the misfortune; It was all my fault. I hate me.
Today, I see something else. I have come to know a man who has taught me that, while some choices were mine to make, the pain is not mine to carry. He loves me. He tells me that I am beautiful; smart; funny..... That I really matter to him. He loves me, even though he, of all people, knows that I am not perfect.
He tells me that it is not my fault that I was hurt; I could not help the misfortune that came my way; And, yes I made some careless decisions.... But I am not a mistake.... I am not ugly..... I am not worthless.... I did not ask for this pain.
I am beautiful..This God who became a man, Jesus, tells me this. He loves me. He accepts me. I know that I can forgive myself for my less than desirable decisions, because he has forgiven me. I am beautiful, in every single way.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
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