Carefully Watched

      Luke 14:1: "One Sabbath, when Jesus went to eat in the house of a prominent Pharisee, he was being carefully watched." 

      Every morning I get up and put a smile on my face. I care for the animals, make my coffee, and wake my kids to get them started for the day. I make my bed, get snacks packed, and clean our home. I pray, read the word, and then I get ready. Mornings are not easy. One kiddo is a morning person; but, she takes forever to pick just the right outfit and hairstyle. Kiddo #2, although he gets ready quickly, is hard to drag out of bed. But we manage. Even though every day is different; every day is important. How I manage is important. My outlook is important. 

    I am being carefully watched. Our lives turned upside down just six months ago. The three of us are grieving in our own ways. Grief is hard. Change is difficult. Change brought about by grief can be unbearable. Our kids look to me for stability and answers. Stability that sometimes feels unstable and answers I simply do not have. Most days, I feel like I have hit rock bottom. Then I am reminded of The Rock at the bottom. The CornerStone. Christ is my foundation; so, when I find myself at rock bottom, I know I have a strong foundation on which to build. One stone at a time, I am building. 

    As I build, 4 tiny eyes watch and wait. They take their direction from how I react and how I face each day. They watch my reactions to every trial I face and every opportunity that comes my way. So I turn to Christ. When troubles come my way, I wait on the Lord to provide clarity and help me through each day, one day at a time. I allow Him Who began a good work in me to complete that work and reveal His glory in me. 

     I am not saying this is easy. Choosing to have joy and wait patiently on the Lord (Who hears your cry, Psalm 40), is not easy. In this world, we will have trouble (but take heart/ He has overcome this world! John 16:33). My point in all of this is to turn to Him. Began your rebuilding on the Cornerstone. Create that firm foundation and let those watching know that, while it is ok to grieve, it is important to get up and keep building. 

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us," Romans 8:18

    

Stronger

 

"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

     Funny thought, I don't feel like I can do anything. I don't feel strong. I awake in the mornings and pray for God to come be the King of my life. I pray for the Holy Spirit to lead me. I am weak and exhausted. Doing all things doesn't seem possible. The days seem longer. The sleep is not there. Most days feel like an uphill battle; a battle I am fighting alone. 

    Then I remember His words. ".....My grace is sufficient for you, for my power/strength is made perfect in weakness." Because He is strong, I can be weak. He is my strength. "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

     I am weak. Divorce is not easy and when it is cast on you suddenly, with no warning, it is laborious to the point of punishing both the body and mind. I am not just a single woman suddenly trying to find herself and her new way forward; I am a mother of two precious children. Children who have always seen me as their constant; their pillar of strength. They look to me; so I look to God.  Because it is "He (who) gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak" Isaiah 40:29. 

     So I get up. I awake and I start my day. I will depend on Him to get me through all and to strengthen the weak. I will let Him be my source of power; one minute at a time. I will let Him lead me by the quiet waters and refresh my soul. I will not fear. 

     

Resolutely

 

   Luke 9:51, "As the time approached for Him to be taken up to heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem." Admirably, purposefully, faithfully, loyally, steadfastly.....Resolutely. Knowing the plan and the pain He would suffer; the Lover of our Soul set out for Jerusalem with a determination that he would reunite God the Father with lowly and sinful mankind. He knew the costs; and knew that death awaited Him; but, His love for us outweighed any fear of death. Why? Because "there is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out all fear (1 John 4:18a). "

   I won't lie; I am not yet strong enough to face this world's trials with the determination of Christ. However, I have faith in His love for me. Romans 8:28 tells me, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." I love God. I know I have been called for His purpose. I know that that I was His idea. I know that he knit me together in my mother's womb ( Psalm 139) and that he crafted my heart individually (Psalm 33:15). All of this is important. So with resolution, I rise to His calling and will for my life. His perfect will. 

   Life took a turn 6 months ago. Without warning, my husband of 11 1/2 years, the father of our two children, left for his paramour. I woke up to an empty bed and a broken heart. I was hurt and confused. I had no family here (military spouse). I was broken. The marriage was never good; the abuse was real. But it was all I had known and there was a comfort in security. The pain and fear of the unknown should have crippled me.  But God, in His love and mercy, lifted me up out of the mud and set my feet on solid ground (Psalm 40:2). He is leading me. He loves me. He is for me. I will rise every morning with a resolution. I have a new song, and I will sing. 

   Walk with me through this time. For those going through similar pain, know that you are not alone. "Be strong and courageous. ... Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deut 31:5). Our days are not easy; but, our help comes from the Lord. We are not alone (Psalm 121).  

Still I Rise

BY MAYA ANGELOU

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

’Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

It was a tiny, pink glitter bow that threw me off course

     Today was like every other Sunday... I went to pick my sweet angel up from children's church amidst a crowd of people. When I got to her room I smiled as I watched her coloring with other kids. She looked up and saw me; but, for some reason, she did not come running like she always does.
      Shame will make you act different... even if you are a child.
      The teacher walked over to her table and told her to stop coloring, it was time to go. Still, she didn't move.  Finally, she looked at me, put down her marker, and came running. She smiled as she excitedly showed me the page she had been coloring. I talked to her about what she had learned that morning. She recited stories of Jesus and how He loves us no matter what...
      We walked outside to where my husband had pulled the truck up. It was snowing a little and the air was icy.  We got in and headed to lunch.

       I can't actually say I didn't see the bright, glittery pink bow. It had caught my eye. But I stopped short of asking her about it. I was so caught up in the hustle of picking up my girl and heading to the truck through the crowd of people that I decided not to ask. Despite a voice in me repeatedly telling me to do so. It was almost dinner time this afternoon when I mentioned it.
       I asked her where she got the cute bow. She replied it was her new bracelet. I asked if they had given it to her at church. The short answer was no. She looked at me and almost whispered, " I took it, I should probably give it back." She finally came out with her "full" story.  Her class had visited another class. While in the classroom, she watched a little girl set her hair bow down on a table. She immediately went over and took it.
      My heart fell to my stomach. I had no idea how to respond. At first I was angry. I looked into those tiny, green eyes and wanted to shame her. But I said nothing. Then I felt sadness and disappointment.  We teach her right from wrong. We tell her she should never take. I had never seen this side of her.  But here it was. Sin. Staring at me. How to teach? How to explain to a four year old that stealing hurts the little girl she took from. The little girl who is now missing her bow.  Stealing breaks God's heart. She should never take what is not hers.
      So I pray.  God, give me direction. Tell me what you would have me say. Lead me in the path of righteousness; for Your name's sake.


Psalm 23: 2-3 NIV
"He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for His name’s sake."

Oh No.....It is Sunday, AGAIN?!?!?

     It happens every Sunday.... My attempts at making breakfast are thwarted by two big dogs demanding their morning walk, a baby needing her bottle and a diaper change (ten minutes ago), picking out clothes, and hopes of actually getting a quick shower before throwing on whatever outfit doesn't look like it was spray painted on my post-pregnancy body.... then heading to the car.   At this point we, my husband -baby-and me, make our thirty five minute drive to church. We do our best to find a parking space within sight of the main entrance and trek inside.  We always opt to sit in the back and on the end of whatever aisle is available as our tiny one is not the quietest in church. Also, I usually end up taking her out halfway through the service to calm her a bit and prefer not to have to step on other churchgoers (They prefer that too it seems).  Every Sunday, once we find our seats and sit down, I ask myself the same questions: Why do we put ourselves through this? Is it worth it every Sunday? Why are we here when we could just watch it on the live broadcast from the comfort of our living room?
    Then as worship begins, something happens.... We come together. All of us under one roof (usually a couple thousand in attendance each Sunday)... and my heart melts. I watch as my husband worships and my one year old baby bounces up and down attempting to dance to the music; laughing, smiling, and waving her toys in the air.  God speaks to my heart and I become increasingly aware that it is more than us just coming to God's living room to see a show.
    First of all, it is about strengthening each other.  The Bible states in 1 Corinthians 14:26, "Well, my brothers and sisters, let's summarize. When you meet together, one will sing, another will teach, another will tell some special revelation God has given, one will speak in tongues, and another will interpret what is said. But everything that is done must strengthen all of you (NLT)."  We come together not just to worship our God, but as a corporate body to strengthen, learn from, and love one another.  

  Second, we are commanded to come together. As Christians, we are told not to forsake assembling together:

Hebrews 10:24-25 "…and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near." 

    Finally, they ARE paying attention.  I know some of you may be thinking, "Why doesn't she just put her little one in the church provided daycare? That would relieve some of the Sunday morning stress" Well, there are many reasons... but mainly because my tiny one was born more than three months early. Her immune system's defense is not the best. She has been sick on two occasions since she departed the NICU. BOTH times were when she was allowed around other children. So maybe I worry a little... But a truly big reason is what she is learning with us.         She watches us raise our hands and sing praises to our God on high! She places her tithe (from her Christmas and birthday monies) into the bucket as it comes by. She sits in amazement listening to her pastor, Brady Boyd, as he teaches from the Living Word of God. She gets excited when she hears familiar praise and worship songs (she listens to  A LOT of Hillsong and Jesus Culture at home).  The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6, "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." I have never been a mother.  This is all new to me.  But I believe when we place value on Sunday mornings as a time of praise, worship, and fellowship.... she will to.  Nothing touches my heart quite like seeing her happy at church. My prayer is that she learns to love God, and Sunday mornings...If you see us there, give us a little waive and we will give a smile. God bless you all! Thank you for being there with us each and every Sunday to strengthen us, learn with us, and help us set the example of worship to our tiny one. 

Happy 1st Birthday to my Precious One!

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him" 1 Samuel 1:27

Happy 1st birthday to our little Caoilainn Elizabeth! We love you ! ! ! 

It is a Calling, NOT a Command

   Many will tell you Christ commanded us to forgive. They even cite Matthew 18:21-22 as their scriptural reference:

"21Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"22Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.…"

    But to speak of forgiveness as a command truly does not give it the merit it is due. In first Peter 1:16 we are reminded  "for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy (see Leviticus 11:44)." As the Lord is holy and incapable of offense, His forgiveness is the only form of pure and perfect mercy.  
   If we are a people called to be holy, we must understand that calling. A calling is defined as a strong urge to a particular way of life.  The Christian way of life desires the holiness of a righteous God.  We are made righteous through Christ (Romans 8:1), and therefore called to a life of forgiveness.  

  I was recently wounded by a very dear and close friend.  The pain seared through my heart.  It is an experience I will never forget.  I cried out to God.  I understood just how David felt in Psalm 13 when he pleaded with the Lord to take away the pain.  But the pain was very real.  Through my muffled sobs and prayer I heard the voice of God.  "Bekah, I love you. I understand the pain you feel all too well.  I ask you to take this opportunity to display the forgiveness that you were called to.  It is not an act of will, it is an act of the heart. It is an extension of My grace. YOU were called to forgive; and only you can make that choice."

    I choose to pursue the calling of God. IT is not the easy choice; but there is freedom in accepting the call. 

My Father, you know the pain of my heart. You hear the cries of my Spirit.  You alone are God. You alone are good. I want to be holy as You are holy. I want to forgive as you forgive. I PRAISE you for giving me the opportunity to forgive this offense.  I consider it an honor to show Your grace. I love you God. Thank you for allowing me to do this. Holy Spirit give me the strength to forgive in Jesus sweet name. ~ Amen