Sunday, July 1, 2007

The Valley

"Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil..... For thou art with me....

We were never promised a life without sorrow; a life without complaints; without struggles and hardships.......
We were promised that he would be with us!

In the words of E.B Pussey, " God does not take away trials or carry us over them, but strengthens us through them."

I think we often forget that the tears we shed today are the very same rains that cause the flowers to blossom tomorrow. So many times I have questioned Him. I have disagreed. Only to find that there is a reason for all that must transpire.

We must learn to trust in him. Put ALL faith in him. To know, above all else, God knows best. We must believe tht we do not walk through our the valley alone. For He is with us.

Monday, June 18, 2007

I Am Stronger For It

After the rain, when the sun shines proudly down on the Earth, a beautiful rainbow appears. It is a miraculous symbol of God's promise to us; A promise that he is with us and will protect us. After I cry, and tears flood my heart, I turn to him. And across my soul he sends that same rainbow. It fills me up with love and reminds me that he is with me in my sorrows. My struggles do not go unnoticed. Edward Young once wrote, "Amid my lists of blessings infinite, Stands this foremost, That my heart has bled." It is difficult to imagine as we struggle in this life that the path we are walking has been tread before. Our sorrows are not new; our heartaches have pained the souls of others; every obstacle we face has been faced by souls such as our own..... In this we should be thankful. Thankful that we are not turning over any new leaf! Others have stood the same trials. But, thankfully we have a God to turn to who promised, "I will never leave you nor forsake you!" And to know that this too shall pass, and we will be stonger once we triumph through it. It is hard to understand; to know that I am thankful for my life; for all the wonderful happy times....but also, for the trials that I have and do face on a daily basis. I know that he is with me. I know that I am stronger and wiser..... and more in love with him for everything he has walked me through.....

Saturday, June 9, 2007

My Aaron

You know it doesn't seem like that long ago... Me and my brother were getting kicked out of Walmart at 2am for riding bikes around the store with my cousin Melody. I will never forget that night, we found the most fascinating toy.... A bedtime Bubba!! It is this little talking stuffed dog that wears PJ's and talks you to sleep. I wanted to buy it that night!!! I have never found another.... We had such an awesome time! It is a night that I will remember forever!

Later that morning he dropped me off at home and I told him that I loved him... The last words I would ever say to him. June 8, 1998....it hit me like a ton of bricks, knocking the breath right out of me. I will never forget. I stood transfixed staring at the phone. I had no way of knowing who was calling; however, for some reason I refused to answer the phone. I just knew it was bad news. Tears started streaming down my face as I listened to the message left on the voicemail. It was the voice of a NC Trooper trying to contact the family of Aaron Daniel Efird. There had been an accident. Somehow, I cannot remember how, I drove to the hospital. I felt so alone in that emergency room. I couldn't reach any of my family on the phone.... I watched as they took him out of the ER and to a waiting helicopter. He was being transported to CMC Charlotte.

Later that day, it was a Sunday, I stood by his bedside and looked him in the eyes. I swear to you he was smiling! He kept pointing up at the ceiling and tears of joy streamed down his cheeks. Aaron loved God. Heart and soul! He knew what it was to have a relationship with his heavenly father.... something that I did not understand at that time.

Those we love truly never die. He is with me. In my heart and in the wonderful memories. And though I long to talk to him, hug him, tell him that I love him, I take comfort in the times we spent together.....The beautiful memories.....And especially in knowing that he is with his (and my) heavenly Father; worshipping at his throne.

"Well blest is he who has a dear one dead;
A friend he has whose face will never change-
A dear communion that will not grow strange;
The anchor of love is death!"

Please, tell your loved ones TODAY how much they mean to you. Trust me, you may never have the chance to do it again. I remember an old proverb that states, "It isn't so much what you do dear - as the things you leave undone; That leaves a bit of heartache at the setting of the sun." Do not spend the rest of your life in regret.

My heart has ached for 9 years now..... but it is in selfishness that I long to have him here with me. Please, cherish each and every moment..... each conversation..... every moment spent together... every breath they breathe. You only get one family. It is no mistake that you were brought to life in the family you were born into. God Bless you all.

In my prayers,

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I Am Beautiful

Looking back I can see that I never could forgive myself. I blame myself for all of my misfortunes. It hurts. My life, it hurts. I am in pain. I have spent the past twenty eight years blaming myself for the abuse. Blaming myself for the pain; for the misfortune; It was all my fault. I hate me.

Today, I see something else. I have come to know a man who has taught me that, while some choices were mine to make, the pain is not mine to carry. He loves me. He tells me that I am beautiful; smart; funny..... That I really matter to him. He loves me, even though he, of all people, knows that I am not perfect.

He tells me that it is not my fault that I was hurt; I could not help the misfortune that came my way; And, yes I made some careless decisions.... But I am not a mistake.... I am not ugly..... I am not worthless.... I did not ask for this pain.

I am beautiful...God tells me this. He loves me. He accepts me. I know that I can forgive myself for my less than desirable decisions, because he has forgiven me. I am beautiful, in every single way.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

I Love You

She whispered, " I love you."
As she laid him in the bed.
Counting each little toe
And gently kissing him on the head.

"I love you," he stated
as he ran out to play.
A profound statement,
And he made it every day.

As he slipped on her finger,
A small golden ring,
"I love you," he cried ...
And his heart began to sing!

His life was complete; or so he thought
A loving family, beautiful wife, and a child on the way.....
And the week found him sitting in a tiny church pew
In the back of the building, on a warm summer's day.

His heart cried, "I love you!"
As he hung on a tree.
Crucified between two thieves;
He died for you and me.
The pain that he suffered! Oh, what the cost!
Beaten and tortured to save those who are lost.
Greater love has no man....
Than was shown on this day!
Was his death just in vain?
Or will you let him pay?

As he walked to the alter
As he knelt on one knee...
"I love you," he cried.
"You gave your life for me!"

And as heaven reached down,
He could hear a voice say....
"I love you my son,
You became mine today!"


He died for you and me.