I Trust You. . . Really. . .

Trust is defined as assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. . .

But, I like how changingminds.org defines it: "Trust is both an emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner."

In essence, when I open myself up to trust someone; I also expose myself to the possibility of pain. It leaves me vulnerable. I put faith into someone or something to give me a desired response. Maybe the reason trust is such an issue for me is because people let me down. People fail. It happens. However, when they do, these failures make me less likely to put faith in another person in the future...

Now, children are trusting little creatures...
I am rarely around children; but, when I am I am absolutely amazed at how they will just believe anything an adult tells them. It is intriguing...sometimes scary! ! !> > > and I have to admit I am just a little jealous. I have a hard time trusting.

I began writing this post early last week; however, I was unable to finish it and post it on the day I had planned.... My mom had a massive heart attack Thursday of last week. I was going to post this on Friday. Glad I did not. I thought I knew trust; but I have learned so much in the past few days.

Those of you who know me personally or who follow my blog know that I have so often hurt or been hurt by life in these short thirty years. Sexually abused as a child, let down by the court system, hurt in the school system, It is a wonder that I trust anyone. But God has never hurt me. He is my friend. Christ even states clearly that He calls us friends (John 15:15).

So as I sat in the hospital room with my mom and dad last Thursday; I called out to my friend. My one true friend. Someone who has never hurt me... never taken me for granted... never wants to see me in pain. I boldly approached my God and begged Him to "heal her." = Super woman (a.k.a mommy) is home today refusing to eat healthy or take it easy... That's my mom!!!

I said I learned so much more this week on trust. . . I have always been told to "trust in the Lord my God with all my heart and to lean not on my own understanding." There is a reason we must do this. The book of Romans tells us in chapter 11 that His ways are untraceable. We will never be able to comprehend who He is or How He does what he does..... God had mercy on my family this week. He allowed my mom's heart to function until she reached the hospital at CMC Northeast where a group of gifted and caring staff members managed to clear the way for her blood to flow again. I say allowed because her artery was 95% blocked. Then He gave me peace. He comforted my Daddy. He is good. He is merciful. AND I trust Him fully.

When I am weak; He is my strength. I do not understand His ways but I see the effects of my faith in Him. It is so hard to make yourself completely vulnerable. But after the life I have led; I know that it is so necessary. Recently God asked me if I trust Him. I said yes of course. He led me to quit my 6 figure job and simplify my life. It was not an easy transition for me. But it has been worth it! I have been doing odd jobs and contract work for the last few weeks. I have time to write and my bills are paid. Most importantly, I have had so much more time to spend with Him. I don't understand His ways; but I know they are best for my life. He is my friend. True friends would never want any pain to come to those that they love. He is my 100% true friend.